In her article, The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African American Women Single and Lonely, relationship expert Debborah Cooper presents a myriad of reasons why she thinks black women who are looking for love in the pews are wasting their time. She writes, that aside from the fact most eligible black men are NOT in church, the institution itself relies on the support of single women, therefore it discourages them to create a life outside of the church and thus put them in a prime position to meet a mate elsewhere.
Men and women from all over the country called in to share their experience plus Lamar and Ronnie Tyler from Black and Married with Kids joined us for the relationship round-table to share what their readers have to say.
In March, BET's chief executive, Debra Lee invited 130 women to Washington DC for what one reporter called a historically black sorority meeting on steroids. The purpose of the meeting was to bring women of influence together to create a positive change , especially as it relates to images of women in the media. She promised that she would work with her programming staff to create more diverse and responsible programming on BET and it's other channels. Not everyone who heard about the meeting was convinced, some believed that the meeting was just a PR stunt to deflect attention away from the shameful performance at last years BET Awards featuring Lil' Wayne and Drake on stage with a group of young girls dancing while they rapped, "I wish I could f**k every girl in the world". So naturally when this years awards came around BET supporters and critics alike hunkered down in front of their televisions to see if Ms. Lee would keep her promise. Now, I don't think anyone expected the network would use the awards show to make a sweeping deceleration of Black female empowerment, but it was understood that this would provide BET the opportunity to set the tone for the next 10 years. So how did they do?
It's hard to say, on one hand I didn't see anything that I would classify as overtly offensive to women - Lil' Wayne was absent, Drake was on his best behavior, and aside from Jada walking out on stage in her skimmies (did she leave her pants backstage?) most of the women were dressed much the way I've come to expect at these kinds of events. (we'll talk about that in another post). On the other hand there were subtle but powerful messages sent by the artists chosen for awards and to perform. First, Alicia Keys - boo'd up and pregnant by the man she's accused of stealing from his ex-wife. This was a popular topic of conversation online and in living rooms across the country. Is she a trollop (someone else's word - not mine) or a innocent victim of love? Should we celebrate the fact that she's found love and happiness or should we remove her from the role model list? Or perhaps we should focus our attention on the other half of this equation, the one who broke his vows, leaving his wife confused and depressed. Or maybe we should just mind our own business and enjoy the music. On a side note: Alicia, I'm gonna need you to chill on the piano crawling for the next five or six months. You almost gave Prince a heart-attack!
Then there was Chris Brown. The troubled young man who landed himself on shit lists around the world but was celebrated last night by being given the honor to perform the Micheal Jackson tribute and as the recipient of the Fandemonium award. He breaks down in tears during his performance and promises to do better during his acceptance speech and now all is forgiven. Forgiveness is good, we should all strive to be more forgiving, but let us not forget that crying and apologizing is how most abusers keep their victims in dangerous relationships . I'm not saying the Chris isn't a changed man, I truly hope he's learned his lesson and gotten the help he needs. I am prepared to forgive him, but I'm not sure that I'm ready to celebrate him.
Finally, I have to give BET props for the Prince tribute. The all female tribute featuring the lesser known but equally as talented fringe artists was a great move. I hope more people discover Janae and Esperanza, both are examples of the creative and diverse world of women in the arts.
All is all, I think BET did an O.K. job with this year's awards show. I'm still not convinced that the network has changed its ways for good, but I'm willing to give them a chance.
Your cousin Your mama's mama Your play-brothers mama's best friend
Somebody you know is going raw, that is, they've decided to transform their diet from meat based to organic raw vegan. Chef, author and restaurateur Nwenna Kai will join me on this week's Cocoa Mode to share easy, affordable and (dare I say) delicious ways to take advantage of the abundance of fresh summer fruits and vegetables while improving the way you look and feel. We'll also talk about the new food revolution that's brewing among young African American vegetarians. Tune into Cocoa Mode this Thursday at 8:00am ET and again on Saturday at 4:00pm and Sunday at 9:00am on XM 169, THE POWER.
According to a talent agent in New York City, that is what some fashion designers are looking for in Black models. For the past couple of years there's been a lot of talk about the lack of African American models on the runways during Fashion Week and in the high fashion magazines. I've wanted to cover this issue on Cocoa Mode for a while but before I could I had to answer the question, "why does it matter?"
Like it or not, young African American girls rely on mainstream media (television, movies and magazines) to show them what beautiful looks like. Imagine how these girl feels like when all they see are images of a women, that no matter how hard they try, these Black girls can never duplicate. Or worse, the only time a Black girls sees a woman who looks like her, she's in a music video, ass out and droppin' it like it's hot. The scary part is once you are conditioned to believe that your value doesn't extend much further than your backside, you begin to act accordingly. So as someone who is determined to keep these young girls "0ff the pole" I say this:
Yes, it is time for us to go beyond the conventional mainstream media and begin creating more outlets like Essence and Heart and Soul that feature African American women cover to cover. Unfortunately, I can't think of a single African American man, woman or child who has stepped up to fund such a venture. So until more people come forward what's a girl to do?
Sweet and Savory, my favorite combination. The little one kinda liked it too.
1 medium yellow onion, chopped 4 carrots, julienned 1 yellow bell pepper, chopped 1 red bell pepper, chopped 1 cup mushrooms 1/4 pound snow peas (I used green beans) 2-5 tablespoons curry paste 2 cups cubed fresh pineapple 4 cups white or brown rice cooked 1 cup baby corn
In a pot of boiling water, partially cook the onion, carrots and peas about 3 minutes. Plunge the vegetables into cold water, drain and set aside. In a large skilled, heat the oil. Stir in the bell peppers curry paste and pineapple, and cook, stirring 1 minute. Add the rice and stir-fry 5 more minutes. Stir i the baby corn and the cooked vegetables. Cook until hot. Enjoy!
Whenever I'm getting to know someone, among the first questions I ask is "what kind of music do you listen to"? I believe musical preference is a pretty good indicator of the type off person you're dealing with. Not to mention a good way to determine what (if anything) you have in common. So over the weekend while moving about town with a new friend I was surprised to hear him admit that in addition to R&B, Jazz and Reggae (thank God he didn't say Lil' Wayne) he kinda digs Opera. I have to admit, I'm not a big Opera fan but I do appreciate the complexity of the form and I respect anyone who has the patience to try to understand it all. So this morning with Opera still on my mind, I did a bit of research on the presence of African Americans in opera and came across these amazing stories:
Sissaretta Jones
I discovered Sissieretta Jones on one of my favorite blogs, Afrobella.com. Ms. Jones was featured in a blog about the history of natural hair styles worn by African-American women. Sissieretta Jones was a celebrated soprano and the first African American performer to perform at Carnegie Concert Hall. You can learn more about Sissieretta here.
Treemonisha:
I was first introduced to this opera, after my sister, who is named after Treemonisha, was born. African-American composer Scott Joplin wrote Treemonisha around 1910. It would be almost 60 years before the piece would be performed in it's entirety. It is still performed around the world, most recently the cast played to sold out crowds in Washington DC and Paris, France.
Denyce Graves:
The modern day diva. I've had the privilege of seeing Denyece Graves perform a number of times, most recently at the memorial service for Dr. Dorothy Height. The Washington DC native is best know for her (hundreds of) performances as the title role in the French opera Carmen. She's overcome poverty, a career threatening injury and a heartbreaking marriage only to find happiness and success, making her life as inspiring as her voice. Oh, and did I mention sista-girl is fierce!!!
So the next time you're searching itunes for different and interesting songs, check out the opera category, you just might enjoy what you hear, or at the very least be able to impress your friends with how cultured you are.
In January, 2009 I put together a list of 15 things I wanted to accomplish in the new year. Number 5 on the list was "see a Broadway show". As a child I'd spend all of my free time in theater camp, acting class and on stage. I wanted little more than to be an actress. Broadway, I thought, was my destiny. Like many teenagers, I got distracted and before I knew it I was an adult and past my prime, however my love of theater is still as strong as ever which is why I decided it was past time for me make like George Benson and head North to NYC. I told a friend about my plan and we agreed that we would make it happen. Months later I was still waiting on my friend to find the time, money and motivation to make the trip. Next thing I knew it was December and I was still waiting. Fast forward to January 2010 and a new yearly "To Do" list. Number 1 on the list: "Do everything on this list and don't let ANYONE or ANYTHING get in your way!" In April, I decided I was going to Broadway no matter what! And just as I set my intention, the universe (God) started to work it's magic and not only was I able to witness the most incredible show I've ever seen but I also got to spend a fun filled and friggin' fabulous weekend in New York City with some of my favorite people in the world. From the moment the weekend ended I promised myself that whenever inspiration hits I will honor it by trusting that the source of that inspiration will provide me with everything necessary to make my dreams into reality.
Never again will you find this chick waiting around for someone to occupy the passenger seat and neither should you. Instead, pack your bags and take off! You never know, you may meet someone far more interesting on the way, I did. :)
